The Stages of Writing a Traditional Plot (A Humor Post)

I still remember the first time I wrote out a plot using actual plot points. Heh heh, heh- It was potentially the most mentally exhausting thing I had ever done in my life. Before that, I had just sort of written the plot as it came to me. . . even once I actually started doing outlines. I guess the plots I wrote before probably had some interest, but they were no great literary masterpieces. So I had to try plot. And let me tell you, the first time, more than once I considered grinding out my eyeballs with my fists.

But did it get easier the second time? Uh, no. No it did not. The second time, also, was like pulling my brain out chunk by chunk. I mean, have you ever even read people's definition of the first plot point? How many of you even know what the first plot point even is???

Writing plots didn't feel like this.

It didn't feel like this.

It didn't even feel like this.

It felt like this.

Yeah. I mean, by the six or seventh time I actually got it, but it took awhile. So if you know the agony of using plot points, please join me in a collective whacking of the head against the wall. I'll begin the post when we're done. Done now? Okay. Now for the funny part of the post.

The Stages of Writing a Plot

       1. Excitement.

The prospect sounds exciting, and you're willing to give it a try. You may even purchase a few hundred new notebooks and pens in anticipation of the fabulous project you're about to embark on.

       2. Thinking you get it (before you've tried it yet).

Ah, but my young padawan, you have scarcely begun. You know nothing of what lies ahead.

       3. Embarking on the quest (and starting to get how hard this is)

Now it feels like this.

This is where you actually start writing out your plot points. You have barely scratched the surface of what it feels like to write a standard plot, but it already feels like torture.

       4. Realizing you really know nothing about plot structure.

But you shall learn.

       5. Considering quitting.

Only in consideration, of course. You would never quit anything so important, WOULD YOU?

This normally occurs around the first plot point, the plot point that is the hardest to identify, hardest to create, and hardest to understand in anyone's terms. For some, it could come even earlier, when people try to differentiate between the inciting incident and the key event (a difference that, I confess, I still don't understand).


       6. Screaming. A lot of screaming.

Internal and external, most likely. This may go on for fifteen minutes or more.


       7. More confusion.

You may read over the posts about plots that you're using about three more times before you move on from this step.


       8. Finally finishing.

Followed by mental and physical exhaustion for the rest of the day/week/year.


Those are all the stages of writing a traditional plot. Please be aware that these stages can be written down on cards, shuffled, and laid out in a new order while still remaining accurate. In addition, I remind you that there is a second set of stages in plot writing, for the impossible writer who actually gets all this junk. Their stages go like so:

       1.

You're welcome.


Let me know in the comments if any of these stages apply to your plot-writing process, or have in the past. These stages are less so for me these days, but at the beginning, let me tell you, they were VERY accurate. For more writing humor, visit me on my Twitter and Instagram. See you next Monday!