Why having a cat is super unhelpful(this is satire I promise!!)

You're a writer, they said. Get a cat, they said.

Does this really look like the face of intelligence to you?

I'm here to tell you that cats are the most unhelpful creatures to have around while you're trying to write. I've had this cat for years, and I have a solid list of reasons why they don't help you write.

My very authentic and real reasons why cats are useless(not kidding at all here, no sarcasm in this vicinity):

They sit on your chair when you're trying to write.

Seriously, what is this perfect toe touch?

Even if you get to the chair first, the second you get up to pee, they'll. Be. Waiting. And they will rob your chair from you once again.

Or your bed. They don't care where you're sitting, they just know they want it.

And if you manage to somehow keep ahold of the chair, they'll just sit there next to you and look all adorable and distract you from your writing.

I mean look at this. How can I be expected to write when this is sitting right there? This is insubordination and I will not tolerate it.

Occasionally I must live in fear of her superpowers.

 

When they're not underfoot or trying to get under butt(as in on my chair), they're begging for attention. This cat is needier than the characters I'm writing, and she definitely wears more black.

If you need to get up and get something, and only IF the cat doesn't decide to take your chair, they'll be sitting all over the floor taking up space and begging to be tripped over.

They're supposed to be good muses and all empathetic and whatever, but as soon as I bring my woes to her ONE TIME, she just looks at me like this:

I feel judged. Stop judging, cat, do you not think I am judging enough of myself??

And my final complaint is this, the paramount of all the things I dislike about my writing muse cat: She gets all the nap time that I do not.

Okay that's it. It seems I held your attention for this long, so why don't you share this post with somebody?