On Cutting Out Toxic People

I want to talk about the whole thing of cutting out toxic people.

The internet and everyone on it seems to be screaming that the only way to be happy is to cut every toxic person out of your life. And who are these toxic people? Take a look around. According to the internet, everyone you love is hurting you, all of them are toxic or abusive in some way. Because if they don't give you their full attention every moment of the day, if they don't understand your every nuance perfectly, if they don't always understand exactly what you want and when you want it, do they really love you?

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately, and I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

Like yeah, sometimes a relationship with a person can get to a point where it's only causing you harm, and I get that, believe me, I do. But I don't think it's very Christlike to go and cut off your loved ones the moment you start to feel unhappy with them.

Let me look at this through a biblical lens. The Bible tells us:


[I]f your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.


Now here's the snag. I believe that the above verse is applicable to not only one's own body, but of one's habits, one's thoughts and influences, and maybe even one's relationships. If a certain person in your life is a bad example for you and is making you think or act in a way that isn't pleasing to God, it might be better for you to stop hanging out with them rather than to sin. If their unchristian influence is rubbing off on your more than your godly influence is rubbing off on them, you're in danger. It might be better to stop interacting with them.

However.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say to cut off people that aren't making us feel good. I think the whole thing of cutting ties with everyone toxic - when 'toxic' is apparently everyone you know - is harmful. It's better to sit down with the person you're having issues with and talking it out like functional human beings. Working through the problem. Praying about it. Trying to make it better.

Here's the thing, okay? Love is hard. Loving anyone is so, so hard. It requires sacrifice and selflessness, and looking after someone else the way you would want to be looked after yourself.

Love isn't some perfect TV show thing where people make the decision to take care of one another and then never fight again. People fight. People make mistakes. We live in a fallen world; nothing can be perfect for longer than a moment.

I know that much. But here's where it gets confusing for me: how do you know if God wants you to stop interacting with a person, and when? I don't have the answer to that. I think it's probably like everything with God. You have to stand still and pray, and ask Him for an answer. He will never leave you, and He will never forsake you. Where everything else is fallen and will fail at some point or another, He is the one thing that will always remain constant. He can never betray you. You can always turn to Him for help.

And while I might not have all the answers, He does. I think He's got this.

*hugs*