Optimists vs. Pessimists: These Terms Are Not What You Think

The terms optimist and pessimist have a different connotation today than they were originally meant to.

These words used to mean individual things, not represent ridiculous stereotypes. But as culture has changed and as stories have taken more and more precedence in our daily lives, we become more accustomed to keeping certain terms confined to the four walls of the little boxes we put them in.

For example, these days the word pessimist means someone who thinks only dark and depressing things of everyone. An Eeyore, a Grumpy Smurf, someone who never smiles and eats gruel three meals a day. The word optimist is hardly better. Optimists are thought to be obnoxious and delusional. They see no wrong and think the whole world is made of rainbows and cupcakes. Think Smurfette.

This is how we've been shaped to think by stereotypes in the stories around us. And because we've been taught to think this way, this is how we think we should act as an optimist or a pessimist.

But the stereotypes have it completely backwards.

I'm a people watcher. Actually, I'm more than that. I'm a people analyzer. Everyone who's ever interacted with me has had a mental assessment at some time or another. And over time, I've noticed some things that are very important.

The way people behave on the outside is a direct mirror image of who they are on the inside. A mirror image meaning the exact opposite.

A pessimist is not someone who wants to think bad things.

An optimist is not someone who believes everything is made of good things.

Let's break it down.

Optimist.

On the surface, yes, optimists seem to be people who are living in a fantasy, convinced that everyone in the world is nice and that only good things will ever happen to them. But that's not the case.

Optimists don't really think only good things will happen. They know and understand that bad things happen to good people for reasons they don't understand. They know there are people living in unimaginable conditions all around the world. They know that bad things have happened to them and they know more are still to come.

But they choose to hope that the best is still to come, and they choose to focus on that hope. Because reality is crushing to them. Few people realize or acknowledge this, but optimists can get depressed like everyone else, and their optimistic outlook doesn't make it easier for them to take. Depression by definition puts you in a deep and nearly inescapable despair, and for an optimist, being unable to find the energy to cope the way they normally do makes depression so much harder to bear.

Pessimist.

Like optimists, pessimists are not at all what they seem. From the outside they appear to be people who would rather think the world is a dark and dismal place. But there's a reason for that too.

Pessimists are truly the more hopeful people. They love light and happy things, and truly want to think that everything is good. But because their hearts are so tender, they take disappointment much harder than optimists. As a defense against discouragement, they choose to think the worst will happen, because they would rather be pleasantly surprised than let down. Disappointment is devastating to them. Sound familiar? Both optimists and pessimists are doing what they do as a method of coping with how fallen the world is. Neither approach is right and neither approach is wrong. It just is.

Optimists choose to hope for the better to save themselves from the darkness they can't ignore.

Pessimists choose to think the worst to save their hearts from the devastation of disappointment.


Let's try to get along, shall we? Don't bash the other person's method of coping. Don't put yourself down for not being the same at coping as everyone else.

Just be.

That's plenty.

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