Conversations Every Writer Has Had (a humor post)

Alas, I had all the WIP posts all written out at the beginning of the month, but I didn't have Thursday's post ready for this week or next week, so now actually need to write something rather than doing a quick round of spell-checking and hitting Publish.

And I have too much to do today and not nearly enough time to do it in, so let's get started before I blink and the sun's already gone down.

Conversations every writer has had:

"Oh, you're a writer? How do you plan to support yourself?"

1. That is none of your business, my good sir.

2. Um, you can make a living off of being a writer if you work your butt off night and day and never do anything else, in case you didn't know.

3. And yeah, I'll have another job while I work on my craft, if you must know. It's almost impossible to make writing a full-time job and that is my burden to bear, why would you even bring this up I must now leave to cry in a corner.

"How's writing going?"

Like a house on fire, Karen. Things are actually on fire. Get some water, would you?

"I would write too if I only had the time."

Do I look like I have the time? I didn't think so. Ya make time, honey.

"What authors would you compare yourself to?"

Um, is there an author that wrote an epic pile of crap and then edited the heck out of it only to discover it had only become a slightly smaller pile of crap? I would like to compare myself to him, please.

"What are you writing right now?"

My last will and testament. Because now that I'm talking about it out loud, I'm going to realize how lame it sounds and die of embarrassment.

*Actual knowledgeable question about the inner workings of writing* 

Hold up, what?

This person actually understands how the writing of a novel works?? I mean, I'm still mortified, but like you get it, my dude! What??

"How do you do (some part of writing)?"

I have no idea how I'm capable of consuming so little sunshine a week without turning white like an oyster. I don't know how I do editing or an outline or whatever. I just do it so that I can avoid spontaneously combusting from all the creative energy trapped inside me. I mean, if you're actually interested, I could send you some blog posts from Pinterest, but that's as much as I can help you, buddy.

"Have you ever written a book about _____?"

*Squints eyes* That's an oddly specific subject, and I'm a fantasy/sci-fi author, so. . . 

"You're writing a book? Cool! Can I read it?"

(seriously though, just let them read it. The worst that can happen is they point out a plot hole that you would have to fill eventually anyway. And they might actually like it!! So just. Let them. Read. It.)

That's all for today! In case you haven't been reading my WIP posts (which you should be), my book, Crash and Burn will finally be released on the 25th of this month!! That's next Saturday!! I'm terrified, send me chocolate please!! The ebook is available for pre-order now and I'm working on putting together the last bits of the paperback formatting, so I'm almost there but still stressing!

Have any of these conversations happened to you? What's your most mortifying writer moment? I wanna hear about it! Drop me a comment!

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