Writing Realistic Cats

I'm not saying I've seen any really badly written cats in any books, but I feel like some of the cats in books I've read were written by people who haven't spent enough time around them. So if you need to know how to write a good cat into your novel, my friend, you have come to the write place(heh heh, see what I did there? The write place? Get it? Okay, I'm done now).

I've been around cats my entire life. My grandparents had cats, and my family has had four cats in total since I was about eight years old. I've seen plenty of them from kitten-hood until old age, so I feel like I know what I'm talking about here.

I have so much to say on this subject that I think I'm just going to sort my thoughts into a list of do's and don't's, so that both you and I can make sense of this mess.

The Do's:

• Do give your cat personality and attitude. All cats have attitude. I know people who prefer cats over dogs because of it. You call them cute names and try to get their attention, and they turn around and look at you with this half-lidded gaze like, 'Why must I put up with you?' Cats are convinced that they are deities, and they all expect to be treated as such. Half the time, they'll ignore you, just because they can. I think this is the most important point of the post. All cats have a sarcastic gaze.
• On the same note, do make your cat feisty. All cats have varying levels of feisty. I've had cats hiss at me on the way by, just because I dared to breathe on them. On the other hand, I've also had patient cats that 'extend the paw' when they've had enough. This is a basic warning among cats. If you've petted and touched them too much, they'll stick out their little paw, claws extended, to tell you the petting sesh is over. If you keep petting them at this point, they'll probably bite you.

"you have been warned"

• Do think about how shy your cat is. Some cats are really, really shy, and sometimes for a good reason. They'll be more skittish if the only people they've ever seen before have been mean to them. It can take weeks to lure a cat over for a rub. Other cats might prance straight up to you the second you walk in the door.
• Do consider the fluffiness. How fluffy is your cat? Look up kinds of cats and pick one. Then you'll know how to describe your cat's appearance correctly.
• Do understand and properly describe their moods. There are whole videos on YouTube about reading a cat's body language. To truly write your cat correctly, you should understand their body language.
• Do give the cat a name! I don't care if it's just the village cat that nobody really cares about. Someone around here must have named it. Even if it doesn't come into the story, your cat deserves a name.

The Don't's:

• Don't have the cat know a lot of tricks. It is nearly impossible to teach a cat anything, and I mean anything. You can teach them their name, and some other basic words (no, food, bird, come on, whatever), but that's pretty much it.
• If the cat is a sidekick, don't have the cat constantly be around. Cats do whatever they darn well want, whenever they darn well want. A normal cat would be in and out on the quest, disappearing and reappearing at its own convenience. Oh my gosh, you fell in a ditch?? When did that happen??
• Don't forget how much cats love to nap. A cat's party hours are at night, when they prowl around and check for enemy mice. During the day, half the time, they're asleep, in the sunshine, on a pillow, on your lap, in that pot you left out on the counter, anywhere. The rule with cats is, 'if me fits, me sits'.

With all of this, don't forget to think about the variables. Don't just go with the cliché cat image you've got going in your head. All cats are different. Some of them are super needy and want to be petted every hour of the day. Some of them hate strangers. Some of them think of strangers as new friends. Some of them hide under the bed all day. Some even like swimming(if you don't believe me, check YouTube). Our cat Cheshire (she's the picture at the top) is a puppy in a kitten's pelt. She follows us around, squeaking for attention, and she'll roll around on the floor until she gets belly rubs. To top it all off, she licks our hands constantly.

For the moment, this is all the information about cats I can think of. For those of you so unfortunate that you've never had a cat and had to turn to my post for help, I feel for you. But maybe this helped and/or encouraged you to get a cat. You want one, believe me. They are the sweetest babies.

If you have any other questions about cats, ask me in the comments, and I will be sure to reply as promptly as possible. More posts about writing things realistically can be found on the 'Writing Realistic' tab at the top of my blog. If you like writing humor, follow me on Twitter and Instagram, and don't forget to put your email in on the sidebar to get email alerts for my new posts. See you next Monday!